I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
You're earring is so big in my mouth
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
