At least make sure they are 18
Why
My sheets look like a crime scene.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
