Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He felt like a one man threesome
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize