She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
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