So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
