We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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