these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
