Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
