The maid of honor just puked.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
