Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
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