Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
