I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
