4 words: hood of his car
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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