eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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