I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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