I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
