Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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