just tell him i said nine months
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
