At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I don't deserve a penis
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
