We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
