I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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