If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
