I'm so fucking centered right now
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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