but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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