So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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