wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Randomize
