I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
