Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
