Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
