My first STD was from a foam party
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
