and you said cock pushups were impossible
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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