porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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