My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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