i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
This couple is walking their pig around campus
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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