Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
