I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
