im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
