she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
