he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Four minutes until I can fart!
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
