Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
