I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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