The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
No...this little piggys going to the bar
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
