Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
