Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
