I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
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