Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
