just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
