Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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