And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
