so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
