I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
