the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
