I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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