What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
