Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
