Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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