he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
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