so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
