She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
