i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I will pee on everything he values.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
