I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
She's just so happy...and so naked.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
