we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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