Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
