the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize