there was a trapeze. enough said
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
